tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4213269356856097692.post4112355380553639155..comments2022-11-11T06:42:00.465-07:00Comments on Eternal Moments: Chocolate and Time-OutLori Wildenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07590098134338061745noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4213269356856097692.post-2850330797639535172013-06-25T17:17:58.498-06:002013-06-25T17:17:58.498-06:00Jason, Thanks so much for your comment. You really...Jason, Thanks so much for your comment. You really took a lot of time and thought regarding this. I appreciate that. I guess my analogy wasn't a perfect one but one I hoped people could relate to and recall. The main idea is "training"- training youngsters to behave in the way we want them to-Training is the best way to get cooperative and more acceptable behavior. Time outs tend to be over used and not very effective (of course there is a place for punishment when parenting our kids but I encourage parents to train first) Here's an illustration I use in my parenting classes and talks (remember these are parents of kids... not inmates :) ) I say, "Close your eyes. Tell me what you see." Then I say,"Don't stand on the slide." EVERY Parent I work with says, "I see someone standing on the slide." So rather than saying DON'T and reinforcing behavior you want to extinguish I recommend saying, "Sit on the slide." Little ones picture the action word (stand or sit) rather than the do or don't. This same idea holds true for time outs (not against them just think they need to be used effectively)Rather than saying, "You are going to your room for a time-out because you stood on the slide. Then think about what you did wrong.."Then the behavior we had hoped to remove has just been reinforced with no good behavior to replace it. Of course raising kids is different from a courtroom. Kids need to learn acceptable behavior to become good little citizens. It's the parents job to train them so they will be. So punishment has a place but I always shoot for training first...because I want the appropriate behavior to be the goal. <br />Hope that makes sense. Again thanks for your thoughtful reply. Do you have kids?<br /><br />Lori Wildenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07590098134338061745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4213269356856097692.post-8770590240166484702013-06-25T16:00:42.039-06:002013-06-25T16:00:42.039-06:00Dear Ms. Wildenberg, I think your concept is inter...Dear Ms. Wildenberg, I think your concept is interesting but lacks any evidentiary support. There are some statements said that appear inconsistent. A time out, you say, "...reinforces the very behavior the parent wants to extinguish." The analogy used is an adult hiding a piece of chocolate in an effort to lose weight and a child that misbehaves who then is placed on "time out." In effect, both the child and adult seem to be focused on the subject of what deprived them of liberation -- the adult eating the chocolate, the child's misbehavior. I am struggling to find the correlation here. One is a self-imposed prohibition, while the other is a punishment, a consequence of behaving badly. Is it your opinion, then, that a spoiled diet is poor behavior? Or, on a larger, much scarier scale, should wrongdoers who behave badly not be incarcerated (on time out) because it doesn't work? The remedy you offer, which is to "Have your youngster take time to think about how to behave differently next time," it seems to me, can also be accomplished in a time out. In other words, the time out provides a consequence to poor behavior and serves as an opportunity for the child (and adult) to reflect on what brought him/her to the time out. Establishing a plan to reintegrate within the family mores (rehabilitation) is essentially the goal, but it should go without saying that punishment, and the pain that serves with it, should be a reminder to child and adult that there are boundaries to which communities (whether family, city, state, country) must uphold to maintain order and the common good for all. This process of establishing such boundaries begins in the home, and I submit, with a time out to not only act as a deterrent to future behavioral issues, but a chance for a parent to help the child reconcile his/her thoughts on what is and is not acceptable behavior. Respectfully Yours, Jason Lyon, MA, JD Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15053444275043893225noreply@blogger.com