Fact: Rebellion is a human condition.
Yet there are things we do as parents that encourage the growth and intensity of a rebellious heart.
Here are 10 sure fire ways to fan the rebellion flames.
1. Expect perfection: Performance based parenting focuses on
the outside observables rather than
internal notables. Notice outcomes but focus on
developing your child's character. Rather than only commentating on appearance
or performance, "You look
so beautiful" say, "Thanks for helping your sister today. You have such a
kind heart."
2. Punish for every infraction: Instead
start saying what you want. When the child messes up, retrain. Next move to a
natural consequence, let the punishment fit the crime. Then... if things continue
down the wrong path and become habitual move to punishment. Start small,
you can always go bigger. Don't forget to include grace and forgiveness
when correcting.
3. Unreasonable exceptions: You know your child. Parent to your
child's unique personality. Take your child's weaknesses, strengths, age, and
stage into consideration.
4. Conditional love : Love no matter the behavior. Don't
withhold love and affection. Avoid saying things like, "You don't
deserve...."
5. Micro-manage: Back off. Avoid hovering and
giving all kinds of "helpful" advice. We want our kids to learn
not just follow instructions.
7. Redo: Don't redo what
your child did. Feel free to retrain but avoid redoing. He will think, "What's the point loading the dishwasher
she will only redo it."
8. Threaten: Unless you mean it, don't say
it.
9. Lecture: The lecture approach creates a brain
freeze in the child. He will learn to tune you out. Short and sweet sound-bytes
are much more effective.
10. Guilt: Say what you mean. Avoid the
statements dripping with guilt induced language. "Oh I work so hard and
now the sink is full of dishes..." rather say, "Okay gang, time to
clean up the kitchen. Garrett, put the dishes in the dishwasher. Charlotte,
pick up the toys and in put them in the box."
Truth…we all fall into the
category of being an over-the-top controller at times, especially when we are busy. But... if we are
typically overbearing and demanding and if we focus solely on rules while neglecting
to build relationship, BIG time rebellion is right around the corner.
Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.
Psalm 25:7
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Hey friends, I'm now scheduling for 2015-16 school year. If you would like to have me come to your event contact me ASAP. Click here and head over to the CONTACT page.
with faith, hope, and love,
Lori Wildenberg
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