9 Ways to Respond After You Have Been Blindsided By Your Young Person

Blindsided, a surprise attack, a shock. Have you ever experienced an unexpected hit?

You know, the kind where the earth moves under your feet and the sky tumbles down. When you have lost control. (And..not in a good way, Carol King.) 

Sometimes it looks like betrayal.

Or perhaps it comes in the form of a devastating diagnosis. 

Other times it has morphed into shocking behaviors, choices, decisions, or declarations.

Recently I heard about two different families who, "Never saw it coming."  Their worlds were rocked. Life moved from pretty normal to nightmarish. 

The cause of the shake up? Their young adult.

So now what? 

What is a parent to do? How is a mom or dad to act when their child has stepped off the expected path and is now walking the prodigal road?

Here are 9 ways to respond that may help families struggling with the heartbreak of being blindsided: 

1. Love the rascal who has just delivered that sucker punch to your gut.

2.  Be the vehicle which draws your child to the Lord rather than pushes him or her away.

3. Remind your child of his or her identity in Christ: Beloved, a child of God.

4. Avoid discussing "the thing" every time you are together.

5. Find ways to enjoy each other's company.

6. Do not be cajoled into partaking in any activity or pressured into stating something that makes you uncomfortable or violates your conscience, convictions, or belief system.

7. Respect the prodigals right to believe or think differently from you. Expect the same respect in return. We can disagree and still love well. 

8. Be the bridge builder in relationships to other family members and to the Lord.

9. PRAY. Pray boldly, without fear, for your young adult's relationship with the Lord. After all this is the main issue, the "thing" isn't really "the thing". It's just "a thing."

"Father, draw my child to you. Do whatever it takes to bring him into your loving arms."

No matter the issue we are facing, it is a distraction that could --if we allow it to--hinder our prayers. When discouragement, disappointment, depression, or despair begin to creep into our heart and mind--let's fight back. We can use those feelings as a catalyst for prayer.

Remember... we serve a Great Big God. We have a savior who raised himself from the dead and walked out of his tomb on his own power. Nothing is too hard for our God; a God who sees everything. We have a God who is never blindsided.

Do not be anxious about anything,
but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6

With faith, hope, and love,

Lori Wildenberg

Co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting, co-author of three parenting books.  Contact Lori for your next speaking engagement.

If you found this post helpful check out Lori's co-authored books:
Raising Little Kids with Big Love ( toddler to 9) and Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love 
( tween to young adult).

                                                                    

10 Sure Fire Ways to Fan the Flames of Rebellion

Fact: Kids love to push the limits. 
Fact: Rebellion is a human condition. 

Yet there are things we do as parents that encourage the growth and intensity of a rebellious heart.

Here are 10 sure fire ways to fan the rebellion flames. 

1. Expect perfection: Performance based parenting focuses on the outside observables  rather than internal  notables. Notice outcomes but focus on developing your child's character. Rather than only commentating on appearance or performance, "You look so beautiful" say, "Thanks for helping your sister today. You have such a kind heart." 

2. Punish for every infraction:  Instead start saying what you want. When the child messes up, retrain. Next move to a natural consequence, let the punishment fit the crime. Then... if things continue down the wrong path and become habitual move to punishment. Start small,  you can always go bigger. Don't forget to include grace and forgiveness when correcting.

3. Unreasonable exceptions: You know your child. Parent to your child's unique personality. Take your child's weaknesses, strengths, age, and stage into consideration.

4. Conditional love : Love no matter the behavior. Don't withhold love and affection. Avoid saying things like, "You don't deserve...."

5. Micro-manage:  Back off. Avoid hovering and giving all kinds of "helpful" advice.  We want our kids to learn not just follow instructions. 

7. Redo: Don't redo what your child did. Feel free to retrain but avoid redoing. He will think, "What's the point loading the dishwasher she will only redo it." 

8. Threaten: Unless you mean it, don't say it. 

9. Lecture: The lecture approach creates a brain freeze in the child. He will learn to tune you out. Short and sweet sound-bytes are much more effective. 

10. Guilt: Say what you mean. Avoid the statements dripping with guilt induced language. "Oh I work so hard and now the sink is full of dishes..." rather say, "Okay gang, time to clean up the kitchen. Garrett, put the dishes in the dishwasher. Charlotte, pick up the toys and in put them in the box." 

Truth…we all fall into the category of being an over-the-top controller at times, especially when we are busy. But... if we are typically overbearing and demanding and if we focus solely on rules while neglecting to build relationship, BIG time rebellion is right around the corner. 

 Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; 

according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. 

Psalm 25:7 

To find out more about the 6 different parenting styles and how to foster a relationship with your child that lasts a lifetime head over to Amazon to get Raising Little Kids with Big Love (toddler-9) or Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love (tween- young adult)

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Hey friends, I'm now  scheduling for 2015-16 school year. If you would like to have me come to your event contact me ASAP. Click here and head over to the CONTACT page. 

with faith, hope, and love,
Lori Wildenberg