Meet my guest, friend and fellow MOM Initiative Mentor Mom, Joanne Kraft. Joanne is a mix of no-nonsense and lots of fun. She has a way of speaking truth with a dose of humor. I love her and you will too. She has a newly released book, The Mean Mom's Guide to Raising Great Kids. Today Joanne and I are swapping spots. She's camped out here while I am over at her blog .~Lori
Let Them Cry by Joanne Kraft
My teenage son walked down
the stairs with a frown on his face. College classes got the best of
him.
My pep talk with him
yesterday apparently wasn’t as good as I thought it was. My future as a motivational speaker went down
in flames.
When I brought my first
child home from the hospital his cries were immediately met with a soothing
rub and my full attention until the whimpers quieted. From baby tears to
teenage sulking, I want to make my child happy. I’ve exhausted myself trying to
make this happen.
Here’s what I’ve finally
realized– I can’t make any of my kids happy.
Here’s the clue you may be doing
something wrong—when you exhaust yourself doing it...
Years ago, when my mom
watched me try to stop tears from my four children, she gave me my first golden
bit of wisdom, “Let them cry. I promise they will be okay.”
When Mary and Martha sent
word to Jesus that their brother Lazarus had died, Jesus didn’t come that very
day but waited two more days before heading back to them in Judea. When he
arrived he discovered the funeral had already taken place, Lazarus had been
dead four days now, and there were two very heartbroken sisters in deep
mourning who had been crying for days.
Not only were Mary and
Martha in tears but it’s in this passage of scripture where we find the
shortest sentence in the Bible—Jesus wept. Two words packed with incredible
meaning. Even our Savior shed tears. Even He felt sad.
Let them cry.
Let them hurt.
Is there
anything more contrary to mothering than allowing a child to cry or hurt?
Still, it’s much needed for their development. Come alongside and give them a
hug.
Sympathize and validate their hurt,
“Yes, I know you’re sad.” Or, “It’s okay to be sad. Sometimes mommy is sad,
too.”
If a child is older, maybe you can empathize, “I understand how hard
this is for you.” Or, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there,
too.” Follow up with a personal story of your own about a past hurt or
grievance.
Let them heal.
Give them a
little time. Don’t let their hurt sabotage your life or manipulate joy in your
home. Scripture reminds us there’s “A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time
to grieve and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). Give them needed space but
look for signs of healing; interest in friends, playing again, laughter, an
appetite, and conversation.
Let them lean.
When a children are young they lean on mom and dad for everything. As they grow older we need to
let go so they can lean on God. I can’t expect my adult children to have BIG FAITH
if they have little experience in leaning on a BIG GOD. If I answer their every
whim and whimper, I become God in their eyes. Do you want to grow their faith?
Let them lean on the only ONE who can meet and exceed their expectations.
(Psalm 62:5)
As a mom, I’m not a magic
fairy called to spread joyful pixie-dust over my child’s every moment. I have
to remind myself, my daughters and sons must feel pain while in my keep. God
grows us through pain. How else will they know how to navigate life’s storms as
adults?
Let your children cry today.
Let them hurt and let them heal, but make sure through it all to let them lean
on God.
A time to cry and a
time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.
(Ecclesiastes 3:4)
Maybe,
today it’s time to let them cry. I promise ...they’ll be okay.
Click here to head over to Amazon to get Joanne's book.
You can also find Joanne over at Pinterest , on Facebook, and Twitter, or check out her Mean Mom team on facebook.
Love your 4 "let thems" . Sometimes we need to step aside so God can step in and train his child...Thanks for your post!
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