The Secret to Disciplining Well (Phase 2)

Last week, The Secret to Disciplining Well (Phase 1)  was published, If you missed it you may want to read that article first.

Phase one of disciplining well comes in the form of instructing by modeling and direct training of behavior we want to encourage and character traits we hope to develop in our children.

Phase two of the discipline progression brings us to correction.

First let's go over what correction is not:

• It is not rejection.
• It is not shaming.
• It is not sarcasm.
• It is not public.
• It is not blaming.
• It is not criticism.
• Correction is not punishment. ( See phase 3 next week) 

Correction is a form of training. Think of it like a captain  correcting his ship's course in order to arrive at the desired destination.

Correction is an adjustment done privately with kindness. 

One mom shared with me that when she tries to correct her preschooler, her daughter tells her, "Mommy you are hurting my heart."

I suggested the mom tell the child, "I'm not talking to your heart I'm talking to your brain."

To be effective, correction must be kind and it must come from the place of logic not emotion. 

Correct but correct with kindness.

Ask questions.

Older kids: 
 "I see you are frustrated. How can I help?"
"What have you learned from this situation?"
 "How will you approach it differently next time?"

Younger kids:
"We eat the food on the plate. I see you are not eating. You must be done with your lunch." (Since they have just proceeded to toss it on the floor) Then take the plate away and remove the child from his highchair.

Our kids don't come out of the chute knowing how to act. It is our job to train them.

Those who disregard discipline despise themselves,
but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.
Proverbs 15:32

Lori Wildenberg
co-founder of 1Corinthians13Parenting.com, co-author of 3 parenting books, mom of four (plus one daughter-in-love) Contact Lori for your next event. She is also available for parent consulting and parent training courses.
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