We love humor. But…when disciplining our kiddos humor
isn’t funny.
When our child smirks and busts a gut during a
serious moment, we feel as if those Fourth of July fireworks in our chest are
ready to explode.
That grin. That giggle. OH! It feels like mocking.
Let’s consider some things before lighting the fuse.
- Humor usually brings people together.
- Humor is a great deflector and distractor.
- Humor is a positive way to get attention.
- Humor can be a way to gain or regain control.
- Humor can be used to manipulate.
- Humor is an action. But laughter is a reaction.
Appropriate laughter we all enjoy. The right place,
the right time. The right content.
Laughter is a physical response to an emotional
trigger.
Have you ever said, “If I don’t laugh, I’m going to cry?”
Sometimes kids get the giggles or act silly when
they feel uncomfortable or nervous. They may laugh or act like a jokester to reconnect
or reaffirm the parent-child relationship.
When mom or dad express anger, it is possible the child
is attempting to make things better with joke to defuse the situation. It’s
also likely he is scared or uncomfortable and that a laugh is his reaction
rather than to fight or take flight.
Observe your child. Give him the benefit of the
doubt. Perhaps his reaction is due to fear. Maybe it is a way to reestablish
the relationship.
No matter the reason, mom and dad must not ignite the
wick. Stay in control.
During the moment mirror his non-verbal behavior: "You are smiling."
Ask, "Are you feeling uncomfortable?"
After the event inquire, “Why do you think you smiled when I
was speaking with you?”
Discuss more typical responses to anger or fear. Talk
about how a smile during a serious moment can be misunderstood.
Once the behavior is verbalized it is easier for the
child to draw up a more appropriate response.
If your kiddo uses humor as a tool to alleviate discomfort come
up with a different strategy.
Commend him on how he has been blessed
with a sense of humor. Talk about the right time and place for his antics. You
may even want to use a visual or tactile cue to encourage appropriateness.
"Put on your left brain, logic hat. It’s time for us
to talk about…..”
“My touch is a sign that this is important but not
scary.”
In finding out the WHY of the chuckles you will be
better equipped to deal with the anger inducing laughter during a serious
moment.
He will yet fill our mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.
Job 8:21
Job 8:21
By,
Lori Wildenberg is co-founder of 1
Corinthians13Paretning.com, co-author of three parenting books, licensed
parent-family education, and a mom of four. Contact Lori to speak at your next
event. She is also available for parent consulting and coaching.
Head over to Amazon to find Lori & Becky's books:
No comments:
Post a Comment