The HeartCore Conference Collage!

A picture is worth a thousand words! 

The  HeartCORE Parenting Conference (#1HCPC2014) was a great success. Enjoy the photos! 

Before!

During!

More during and a few after! 

 1C13P has already been invited back to Minneapolis next year! 

If you missed the Midwest conference this year- come next!
Many thanks to all the volunteers. 

Seeking God and Honoring Him While Being a Parent

Do you have young kiddos?
Do you feel frustrated with finding time for God in the chaos of family life?

Many of us can relate as we recall those years or may even be going through them right now. 
Most young mamas I coach or MOPS women I speak to express this concern. 

Having time with God or even for God seems impossible. 

In fact, my friend, Julia Roller, totally gets it.

She was so frustrated by the condition of  her personal faith-walk that she developed 10 spiritual disciplines and figured out ways to actually pursue them, even when raising toddlers! (That is nothing short of a miracle, right?)

Her ideas were so good that they got published! The book she has written was just released this past spring. It's titled, Mom Seeks God. (In fact my ministry partner and co-author, Becky Danielson,  is one of the folks who endorsed Julia's book!)

Julia lives in San Diego (which is where Tom and I lived when our kids were little ones).
My kids could name sea creatures way before they could identify farm animals! I'm guessing it is the same at the Roller household! Shamu  and Sea World were a huge part of our lives. When we weren't at Sea World, my kids played "trainer" in the backyard. Julia shares her parenting joy and a little southern Cali fun in one of her recent blogs: http://www.juliaroller.com/joy-parenting/

Julia picked me to take part in a game of blog tag. Part of the game is to answer four interview type questions about my writing life and then point you to another amazing writer who will be "IT" next week.

Here we go!

What are you working on now? 

I can't even believe I'm saying this but Becky and I have 4 newly published projects,two were just released the end of July and the two more are being released the beginning of September! All four are based on bringing the 15 qualities of love (found in the famous LOVE Chapter of 1 Corinthians 13)  alive while parenting. Raising Little Kids with Big Love plus a companion guide is written for parents of kids toddler to 8-years-old and Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love with a study guide is for parents of tweens and teens.

While working on this series, Becky and I also co-founded 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting. Our team is made up of moms and dads who are experts in their field (faith, family, parenting, education, adoption, single parenting, special needs, marriage, and more) Check it out. We also have a parenting blog you can subscribe to and a Facebook ministry page for parents. Right now we in the middle of  planning a big conference in Minneapolis! HeartCORe Parenting Conference 2014. (very exiting)

I'm  in the process of writing a book on prodigals with my daughter. I'm realizing many of us have young adults who are in a season of challenge and struggle. It is time we (the family of believers)were honest with each other and supported, encouraged, and loved each other rather than hide in parental guilt or shame. (Okay- I could get on my soap box here so...on to the next question.)

How does your work differ from others of its genre? 

Parenting isn't just about behavior modification. If it is only about actions, the child's heart will harden. Eventually love looks like a conditional experience.  Parenting the way God parents us is mixed with truth, justice, and natural consequences AND... discipline (training), mercy and grace (and sometimes punishment) . Love is choice we can make every day. Developing the child's character is a critical component to parenting with 1 Corinthians 13 LOVE.

Why do you write what you do? 

I have found that unless I have lived it, I cannot speak on it or write about it. All  3 of my  co-authored parenting books, have not just come from my professional background (licensed parent-family educator and certified elementary school teacher) but from personal experience so I can fully, honestly, humbly(!), and with a sense of humor relate to those parents or grandparents who read my books and are in my classes. I know it sounds a bit cliche but God definitely called me to this. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would be an author!

How does your writing process work?

Organically I guess. The thoughts and ideas come a few different ways. One way is via the needs, concerns, and struggles expressed by the parents in my classes. Other ways may sound a bit strange. God will wake me up in the middle of the night, speak to me while I'm walking my dog, hiking ,running, or even when I'm in the shower. Becky has given me notepads to put by the shower and on my nightstand so I can jot things down before I forget! I am also a bit obsessive compulsive due to my huge passion for parenting and love for the Lord. This can drive my husband crazy! It is like... I get in the zone and can't stop!

Okay...so that is a little about me and my life as an author and blogger. Next week Heather Riggleman will share some of her thoughts about being a mom and a writer. Heather has a couple of exciting projects in the works and she is the author of Mama Needs a Time Out. You will love hearing what Heather has to say. She is the REAL Deal. (I know because she is a very dear friend of mine!)

How Parents Can Function as a Team

Parents,

Today I have my www.1Corinthians13Parenting.com ministry partner and co-author, Becky Danielson guest blogging. (She's the nice one of the two of us!)

Enjoy!

Lori

Have you ever had a situation where you and your spouse disagreed over how to handle a parenting issue?

I have. One incident in particular stands out in my mind.

Snow was swirling in the wind, drifting across the driveway. Scott, my sweet husband, had decided to go to the office a little later than usual to clear an exit path for my vehicle. He even started the truck’s engine, warming it up for the short trek to preschool. I (Becky) was thankful for his thoughtfulness and care.

Coats, boots, and hats were on. No small feat! Mittens were next. I crouched down to slip them over my son’s hands, only to be met with total resistance, “No, Mommy. I don’t want to wear my mittens.”

“It’s very cold outside.’” I attempted coercion, “You need to wear mittens, Honey. You don’t want cold little fingers.”

(By the way, reasoning with an unreasonable preschooler is not recommended!)

He furrowed his brow. “I don’t want to wear my mittens.”

Irritation was creeping into my voice. “You have to wear your mittens.”

            “No!”

My frustration level was rising when the zinger came from behind me.

            “He doesn’t have to wear his mittens. The truck is warm and he’s not going to be outside too long.” My husband had entered the fray, siding with the obstinate, tiny tot standing in front of me.

All my pent up annoyance was now redirected at Scott.

“What?!? He is supposed to be on my side,” I thought to myself. “How could he undermine me right in front of our child?”

I gave my husband an icy stare and stuffed the mittens in my own coat pocket. I took hold of a bare little hand and marched out the door into the cold. My heart had jumped from warm appreciation to frosty frustration.

I felt disrespected by my defiant child and traitorous spouse. My husband and I were supposed to be a team.

Have you had a situation like this occur in your home? Most parents have. Working together as a team for the common good of the family takes time, conversation, patience, and practice.

My husband and I had a long talk the evening of the mitten incident. I explained my feeling of betrayal. He reasoned mittens were not a battle worth fighting. We concurred; both were valid points.

We pledged to back one another up, to portray a united front.

That being said, there are times it is important to readjust a discipline or decision that has been meted out in the heat of the moment. Just because something has been stated doesn’t mean it can’t be changed.

Unreasonable and extreme punishment need to be altered.

The best way to approach a change in course is for the couple to talk about the situation (out of ear shot of the child). If a change in direction is mutually agreed upon the parent who made the original declaration is the one to present the new approach to the child, keeping respect intact for both parents.

Supporting each other and talking through difficult moments have helped Scott and me parent as a team. Whether navigating the toddler or teen years, being on the same page provides security for the kids and unity between Mom and Dad.

           

Becky Danielson, mom of 2 sons and wife to Scott is an author, speaker, and licensed parent and family educator. She and Lori Wildenberg are co-founders of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting. Their book, Raising Little Kids with Big Love has just been released and their second book in the series, Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love is soon to be released. If this post was a blessing to you, you can find more great faith-based and easily applicable tips and information in their books which can be found on Amazon or  B&N 

Back to School Angst and 7 Antidotes

Sleepless nights, irritability, and tears are all typical responses to the transition from summer to school. (I'm referring to the children in this article, although moms have been known to have similar symptoms!)

How can we help our children adjust to the back to school routine and build confidence in their ability to handle the new situation? There are a number of ways we can encourage back to school success and reduce the symptoms of-what I call- school-itis.

1.  Describe your feelings as a child about going back to school to normalize your kid's fears.
(I would tell my children that when I was teaching, I would feel first day anxiety too)
2. Avoid getting caught up in your child's emotional state. Let his feelings be his. Maintain a calm demeanor.
3.  For your youngster, go to the school (if allowed), walk the halls, and let the kids explore the playground. My co-author, Becky Danielson ,recommends doing a drop off dry run. Locate the classroom from the bus or car pool drop off point. Noting landmarks along the way (the library, office, etc.)
4. Take your middle or high school student to school (if permitted) to locate his classrooms and locker. Have him practice unlocking his locker-it can be tricky!
5. Encourage your older kids to connect with another student, so they can meet up for lunch on that first day.
6. Have a very positive attitude about the upcoming school year. Express confidence in your child's ability to handle the situation. This will transfer nicely to your child's view of himself and his circumstances. If the parent communicates to the child he is capable, the child will be more confident and then more successful.
7. Most importantly pray. Pray for and with your child for a smooth transition. Before my kids would leave the house I would give them the Aaronic blessing:  "May the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; may the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace" (found in Numbers 6: 24-26).

I pray you and your child will have a blessed first day of school.

I would love to have you share the things you do to ease the back to school blues.

Cling Ons

Theme for July: Independence
Verse: 

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 

 1 Peter 5:7

Mom's Musing:

Last week I shared with you about my adult daughter's struggle with same sex attraction (July 2, 2012). This week we are going to look back at younger kids and discuss the dance between independence and dependence. I will continue to speak about her struggle and our response as God leads.

Do you have a Cling-on or a Velcro Kid? Various developmental stages and situations bring on the  hanger-on-er behavior. Separation anxiety may come from both external and internal places. The child who has just gone through a big change in his life circumstances, feels insecure and unsafe. That child typically holds Mom or Dad captive with a death grip. Developmentally, the desire for independence and dependence are at odds with each other. This struggle often occurs in the toddler years, when the child is figuring out he is a separate being from Mom. The young or even older child with anxiety due to temporary separation can be debilitating for the parent and the child. Parents may base their decisions on the child's emotional state. Thoughts like, "I can't leave my child" prevail. Ultimately the parent feels trapped while the child's suspicions are confirmed. "I'm only safe with my parent."

So how does a parent reinforce the child's ability to trust other caretakers? Answer: by being consistent and strong. The child's emotions don't get to dictate the parents coming and going (unless there is a  concern about with whom the child is being left). As hard as it is to leave a sobbing child with a white knuckle grip, do it. While peeling back the chubby little fingers, reassure your child you will return after an event like lunch or nap (make sure you follow through to build trust). Tell the child he is in capable and loving hands with the person he is being left with. Let the child know that this new caregiver has the responsibility for watching him and that you trust this person.

Parenting Tip:
My coauthor, Becky Danielson, used  a nontoxic marker and draw an xo on her boy's hand.  That gave her son a physical remembrance of her love for him a and a reminder of her promise to return.
Your Turn:
What ideas could you share with another parent struggling with a child who has separation anxiety?