How to Train Your Kids to Make the Best Decisions

Make good choices.

Be smart.

WWJD--What would Jesus do? 

Remember who you are. 

If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you too?

Remember to whom you belong. 

All questions or statements parents make to encourage their kids to think before they act. I've said most of them.

And...to be honest--they weren't all that effective.

Parents speak these words. Kids hear "Blah, blah. blah." and respond with, "Yah, I KNOW..."

The trouble with all these go-to words of advice is that they are non-specific and  difficult to apply in the middle of a decision crisis. They also come out of the parent's mouth rather than the child's head.

What if we instead trained our kiddos how to strain their decision making through the Philippians 4 filter? 

Rather than being the Controller and telling our young people what to do or being the Chum and letting them do whatever they wanted to do, what if we were more like the Coach and Consultant and got them thinking about the Whatevers?

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praise-worthy-- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4: 8-9

Questions move us to thinking. When whatever questions are asked, we and our kids discover God's best for our lives. 

When wrestling with a decision or choice, we ask, "Should I or shouldn't I do ___________ ." or "Should I or shouldn't I say ____________?"

Let's take the process a step further by asking a few more questions. 

Is it true?

Is it noble?

Is it right?

Is it pure?

Is it lovely?

Is it admirable?

Is it excellent?

Is it praise-worthy?

Does this line up with what I have learned or received or heard or seen in God's word? 

The answers to the whatevers are the should or should not plumb line for our wonderings. 

Faithful moms and dads want to be in God's will. We hope our children will desire the same thing. If we ask ourselves and train our kids to ask and respond to the Philippians 4 Whatevers God promises his peace.

Affirmative answers to all the whatever questions will clear the confusion and bring peace and confidence in the big and small choices made. The decision to be  made is clear and simple. (But that doesn't mean when it is played out it will be easy.) 

We can't always be with our kids. We want to be proactive rather than reactive. Let's train our kids to speak, think, reason, act, and discern with wisdom. 

Philippians 4:8-9... the best decision-making device.

Please share how have you trained your kids to make wise choices.

With faith, hope, and love,

Lori Wildenberg

Contact Lori   to schedule her for your next event.

If you like this post and if you have a tween-young adult head over to Amazon and get Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love. 

Stop asking. I said____!

Does NO automatically pop out of your mouth when your child asks a question?

Or... are you the parent who struggles to say,  No?

No matter where you are on the NO continuum ...here are some questions to ponder and to assist you in your yes, no, or perhaps, response to your child. 

1. Is it legal? 

Seems like most parents would say, Duh--to this but think about it. Many moms and dads really are okay with bending the law. They may not insist on wearing seat belts, following curfew, or the drinking age. Decide if "Is it legal." is an important consideration in your family. 

2. Is it honest?

If honesty is a core family value, it will come at a price. It is never convenient and it is sometimes costly. Is it okay to be undercharged? Is it kosher to lie when returning an item? 

Good questions for our kids --and us--to wrestle with.

3. Is it considerate? 

Does the request or behavior affect another person's feelings, property, or privacy? Could there be a different way to go about reaching a goal without hurting another? Is it okay or not to borrow something from a family member without permission? 

4. Is it healthy? 

Personally I don't think everything has to be healthy or GMO free. But I do think balance and moderation are good life skills. But that's just me. This is a question for moms and dads to work through and decide where they stand on the healthy continuum and what the family boundaries will be concerning this. 

5. Is it practical? 

Is there enough time? Is there enough money? Sometimes, even if something isn't practical it may be plausible. This could be an opportunity to get creative and consider how to work something out. Think outside the box. Not enough money? Hold a garage sale. Not enough time? Rearrange some commitments. Set priorities. 

6. Is it safe?

We have become a nation of wimps. We are so uber-safety conscious our kids are afraid to take a risk. Ask yourself what you will be okay with when it comes to safety. Teach your kids to avoid recklessness but yet still be willing and confident enough to take a risk. 

7. Is it age appropriate? 

You know your child. Age appropriateness coupled with the knowledge of the child's personality, trustworthiness, and skill set are the factors to consider before saying yes or no. My two youngest daughters were bothered by movies they deemed scary. Even if they were "of age" they avoided this type of movie. 

And one final and most important question:

8. Does it honor and bring glory to the Lord?

Even if the answer is yes to all the above statements and even if an affirmative answer feels good... if number 8 is not a solid YES...Tom and I will use the two letter word. 

Our kids have moved into the young adult years. We pray that they too will first seek God and His Word before moving forward. 

What we allow and avoid sends a big message to our kiddos regarding our priorities, morals, values, and faith. Ultimately, we want to train our kids to make and embrace their own good and godly decisions and choices. 

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. 

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction 

and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.

 They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.

Proverbs 1:7-9

For more practical and faith based parenting you may want to head over to Amazon to get 

Raising Little Kids with Big Love (toddler-9)

Or purchase Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love (tween-young adult)

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With faith hope, and love,

Lori Wildenberg

http://www.1Corinthians13Parenting.com

Never Give Up

When my kids were little I wanted to know how to parent perfectly.

Give me a recipe and I follow it - to the letter.

The problem with a parenting formula is that the ingredients contain unstable elements like: human free will, sin propensity, and unique personality traits.

What happens when parents are blind-sided by their  teen or young person's decisions, choices, or sin-orientation?

One-size does not fit all.

Parents negotiate hard places differently. It's important to be respectful of how others approach a challenging situation.  

There are principles that are true for all challenges. How they are played out will be unique to the family, child, situation, struggle, and time. 

Be a Bridge-Builder.

Building bridges is the parents work when a child is on a detour. The relationship with your child may be strained but continue to reach out and let him know you love him and are there for him (even if he doesn't respond). This is critical. 

One dad continued to text his estranged daughter,  "Good night" and "I love you" almost daily for years. She rarely responded. Now, seven year later, his daughter has returned home. She knew she could come back.

Be a Grace-Giver.

Demonstrating grace and humility lets your child know you are approachable and  love them unconditionally. Acceptance (or nonacceptance) of behavior isn't the same as loving a person. We often disagree with folks we love. 

Be a Truth-Teller.

This one can be tough. Speaking truth about what God's best looks like takes an element of courage and a sensitivity to God's perfect timing. Pray for the words and ask God when to speak them and how to speak them. It has helped me to do my homework so I can direct my child to God's word when appropriate. (Ultimately my opinion doesn't really matter) I want to be certain the truth I am speaking is God's, not mine. I cannot control what my child does with this, that is between the individual and the Lord. (I am not the Junior Holy Spirit.) 

Be a God-Truster.
God is not surprised when our kids take a detour. Even in His perfect garden, Adam and Eve had  free will and there was a snake slinking around.

Be a Prayer Warrior.

Always, continually pray that the Lord draws the child back to Himself.  No matter the wandering particulars, the relationship with Jesus is the main prayer. 

Be a Hope-Holder.

Cling to hope. God can do all things. 

Never, ever, give up.

Love never fails. 

1 Corinthians 13:8

An Audience of One

Theme: Independence

Verse: 

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me.' " 

Matthew 19:14a 

Mom's Musing:
Have you heard the saying,"Once our kids are fit to live with they are living with someone else?" There is an element of truth to this. Parents are the kid trainers- the main socializers of children. Ultimately it is our job to grow our kids so they are able to make it on their own. We tend to view this as moving from dependence to independence. In a broad sense that is true and obviously important.
I'd like to put an bit of a twist on that truth.  I believe our job is to move our children from dependence on parents to dependence on God, while teaching them life skills to live as an adult. Personally, this is a bigger challenge. It is easier for me to provide instruction on how to operate a washing machine, help with study habits, and model how to interact with others-but how do I train or teach my children about a life of dependency on God?

Layering is the answer. 

Not just walking the talk but talking about how to walk the talk. Verbalizing with sincerity and acting with consistency in faith  are two other components. No matter what choices my kids make, they don't even need to ask what Tom and I think about something because we have been careful to express our belief system and act on our principles. This is not an easy road. Especially as children become young adults and are making some pretty big life decisions that will have just as large consequences. (If you find yourself in this nasty position- keep loving your kids while being true to who you are. And for the record I'm sorry. This can be very painful-I intimately know this heartache.)
Even though young adults are interested in a mother's and father's point of view, they sometimes choose to act independent of it. And..at the end of the day- the parent's opinion- or anyone else's for that matter-  really doesn't matter. Only one opinion does...Our Heavenly Father's.

Parenting Tip: When your family faces a challenge: unemployment, health issues, tragedy or experiences a great joy: new baby, better job, good family time let your kids see you talking to God, trusting Him, and praising Him. So..when your children get older they will be in the habit of turning to the Creator of the Universe for all things. If you have not yet done this, don't be discouraged. Start today. We serve a God who is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient. He created "time" and is not bound by it like we are. He can make time up in the air!

Your Turn:
How do you train your kids to depend on God? I'd love to hear your thoughts.