How to Talk About Death with a Youngster

Many moms contact me with parenting questions. Recently a young mama asked me what would be the best way to tell her daughter someone close to her had died.

After I responded I thought that maybe my blog readers may have the same question. So here are some things to do and not to do when talking with a young child about death:

1. Pray for God's words and wisdom before approaching your child.

2. Don't be afraid to use the "D" words. Death, Died, Dying, Dead.

3. Don't use euphemisms like passed on, transitioned, eternal slumber. State it simply, "She died."

4. Don't say she died because she was sick. If the person was sick say, "She was really BIG sick. Not regular sick (sore throat, flu, cold). If the death was due to a disease, don't be afraid to name it. "She had a disease called cancer. the cancer made her body BIG sick, not regular sick."

5. Do say you are sad and will miss the deceased. This gives your child permission to feel and grieve as well.

After you  finish with the telling part, talk about faith. Jesus prepared a place for ________ in heaven.  In heaven there are no more tears, pain, or sadness.

The final step is often forgotten but critical to implement.Just as adults need to put compassion into action so do children. But little ones need our assistance in coming up with a plan to help the family heal and feel loved. A few ideas are: make a card, make a meal, or help with a pet.

The supportive activity provides a sense of closure and helps the child to refocus from  death to the helping.

 Be honest. Don't give more information than necessary. Be available to hang with  your child. Your availability is important. Death, like birth,  is a part of life.

In my Father's house there are many rooms; if it were not so I would of told you. 

John 14:2a

Contact Lori to schedule a speaking engagement or a parenting workshop.

If you like this post you may also want to subscribe to www.1Corinthians13Parenting.com

Eternal Rest

                                                             Theme for March: Rest. Rejuvenate. Recharge.

                          
Verse:

"Then you will win favor

and a good name

in the sight of God and man."

Proverbs 3:4

               
Mom's Musing:
               When I selected the theme for March, I never expected to be reflecting on eternal rest. My stepfather-in-law recently went home to be with the Lord. Family members are flooding into a tiny town in Virgina from Egypt, California, Colorado, Montana, Italy, and Maryland to attend the funeral.
This man we will be celebrating was a man of integrity. He kept his word, honored his wife, loved his family, served his country and church. He appreciated and savored good food! He was a big presence. His laughter filled a room, his eyes sparkled with mischievousness, he was always ready with story that captivated his audience. The line,"I wonder what Bob thinks about this," was spoken by many family members. He was respected and loved because he had love and faithfulness written on the tablet of his heart.
One of my most treasured memories was of how he would sit down, with each person: grandchildren, his own children, stepchildren, in-laws, and even step-in-laws (me) and ask about their life. He was deeply interested. He took the time to ask and cared enough to remember the details of the conversations.
I took this photo prior to finding out Bob had been ushered home. This vision was a gift from God that gave me comfort. Because Bob lived the life he did, he left his family a sense of peace. Being a man who lives right and finishes well is a blessing to those who are the survivors.
Now this special man is abiding with Jesus. I praise God for him and the blessing he was to my mother-in-law and our family.

Parenting Tip: For those of you with little ones who read this you may wonder how to describe the passage of life to death to eternity with your child. Let your young one know that very sick is different from regular sick, don't be afraid to say the words death or dead-avoid using euphemisms like sleeping. Tell the child bodies are vessels for the soul and the body left behind will be replaced by God with a new heavenly body- a body not filled with pain or disease. Talk about heaven.