12 Dating Red Flags to Share with Your Son

“I hope she doesn’t break his heart.”

A mom in particular is naturally concerned about her son when he begins dating. She wants to protect him from any pain.

A dad tends to worry a little more about his daughter. He just want to protect her from…the boys! 

We parents are better at having dating conversations with our girls. We seem to communicate red flags to our daughters more than to our sons.

Boys tend to be a little less aware of warning signs than girls. Perhaps this is because our sons are more concerned with making a good impression than discerning behavior.

So…for all of you with dating age boys, here’s a list of 12 Dating Red Flags to share with your son:

1. The Damsel in Distress. Appealing to a guy for sure. He can save, fix, and be the hero but…this gal plays the victim and doesn’t take responsibility for her own behavior.

2. Drama Queen. Her reactions are outrageous, over the top, explosive.

3. The Princess. This charmer needs to be constantly pampered, paid attention to, lavished with gifts, must have designer everything, and she treats service people with disdain.

4. The Jumper. A girl who bounces from one friendship or interest to the next.

5. The Patient. She is chronically ill (not really ill but pretends to be in order to manipulate another, justify behavior, or to get attention); something is physically wrong all the time!

6. The Debater. Needs to argue constantly. There is more negative conversation than positive.

7. Needy Nellie. In-love with love not…with you. Needs constant contact, validation, and attention. She may even be jealous of your guy friends.

8. The Re-bounder. If she just got out of a relationship she may not be ready for another.

9. The Bad Friend-er. She chooses friends you don’t like. Birds of a feather really do flock together.

10. The Shamer. Disrespects and embarrasses you both publicly and privately.

11. The Hater. She treats her parents and others (like those in the service industry) with contempt.

12. The Aggressor. She relentlessly chases down young men and uses her body to manipulate and get attention.

One more: If your family and friends don’t like your new girlfriend, investigate this further. These are the folks who have your best interest at heart.

Some of these 12 qualities could be isolated incidents but if you see a pattern with any of these, heads up and head out!

Let’s pray for our boys that they will be wise in their relationships. We are raising our sons to be men, husbands, and dads. And girls – don’t be this chick!

My son just got married so he is past the dating game. His bride is a blessing. She is my daughter-in-love! I am grateful to God for the wife he provided for my son.  It warms my heart to watch her love him–and him love her. I’m excited to see what is in store for them and for their future. This is what my mama’s heart hoped for, for my son.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 
Proverbs 31:30

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Click for the related post: 12 Dating Warning Signs to Share with Your Dating-Age Daughter.

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By Lori Wildenberg
Wife to Tom
Mom of 4
Co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting
Co-author of three parenting books
Contact Lori to speak at your next event!

If you liked this post, head over to Amazon and get Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love.

See the Son

“They just got a new house.” “Her husband surprised her with a trip for their anniversary.” “She just found out she’s pregnant.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a bitter person. I’m sincerely happy for people when good things come their way. But when times in my life are more of a struggle than a blessing-I wonder, “When is it my turn?”

That thought has the potential to morph into self-focused pity; the feeling of not being able to get out of bed or not wanting to open the blinds to let in the sun.

But…God has shown me how to open my blind eyes and let in the Son.

 Praise.

Praise God when you don’t feel like it. In the book the Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom talks about being a prisoner during World War II.  Corrie’s sister, Betsy, tells her to be thankful in all circumstances. Sarcastically, Corrie says she’s going to thank God for the lice. As it turns out, the insects had a purpose. Corrie and her sister were able to hold a Bible study in the German prison camp because the pests prevented the guards from entering the barracks.

I have found my lice-filled, heartbreaking situation may not change but when my focus is readjusted my thought process is transformed. 

I can do this with God’s help…but it isn’t easy.

When the enemy gets God’s people to only see ourselves in comparison to others, our joy is stolen. Enough of that! Are you with me? Grab it back! Praise God for who He is. Thank Him for what He has done. Choose to see the many blessings in front of you and respond with a grateful heart. Life is full of unexpected challenges and blessings. During those times that are consumed with disappointment, first honestly cry out and then start praising God.

Praise is the best offensive weapon against despair.

Do not be anxious about anything,

but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4: 6-7

How have you dealt with life’s disappointments? How have those disappointments affected your relationships with the Lord?

A Quiver of Kids

Theme for June: Fathers!

Verse:

"Sons are a heritage from the LORD,  children a reward from him.

 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them."

Psalm 127 3-5a

Mom's Musing:

Dads are such an important part of a boys growing up. Dad is the guy who the son looks to for direction and guidance. I recall one time when our family was on an outing with another family and my husband was offered a cigar. I overheard my eight-year-old son say to his seven-year-old sister, "I knew Dad would say no." Our kids are definitely watching us.

A dad's impact on his daughter is no less great but often much more subtle. How he treats his daughter sets in motion the type of man she will look for in a spouse.  One dad I know "dates" his daughter. He opens the car door for her, pulls out her chair, listens to what she has to say. He is deliberately modeling what to expect from a young man. This smart dad is laying the ground work for positive relationships with men for the future. The girl who feels connected to and respected by her dad will look for the same type of healthy relationship with a boy.

Not only does a father impact future relationship choices, he also plays a large role in his daughter's self-worth. One small comment about baby fat, could be the trigger for an eating disorder. A dad that only compliments or acknowledges his daughter's appearance rather than her character or heart may also jump start anorexia, bulimia, or even promiscuity.

Scary, huh? Being a dad carries a lot of responsibility. It is such an important job. One to take seriously. Build relationships with your kids and the respect will follow.  Moms help out your man by supporting his relationships with your children.


Parenting Tip:  Dad guide your son and date your daughter.  Don't just say she looks pretty. Tell her how you love the way she is kind to her friends. Reinforce those desirable character traits. If you don't already know your kid's favorite band, friend, activity, food-find out. Spend time getting to know your child (children).