Motherhood...the slow band-aid removal technique

The roller-coaster in my stomach woke me up this morning.

My heart is not confined to my chest. 

I don't have the flu.

I'm not having a heart attack.

My twenty-four year old daughter is moving.

Moving out of the country.

Motherhood is the slow Band-Aid removal technique. It's very nature is a series of slow and painful separations.

Birth-- it's the start of it all.  

Weening.

Preschool. 

School. 

Activities and friendships.

Camp.

College. 

A move out of state.

And now this...Taiwan.

I'm not good at sharing. I'm not a hover mother--I'm a hoarder-mutter. 

When Samantha was six, she and I had a weekend alone in our home. (Unheard of when you have a husband, four children, and two dogs.) As she was getting ready for bed she announced, "I'm sleeping with you tonight, Mom. I don't want you to be lonely." 

When she went to camp, she called, "Mom can you pick me up? I'm homesick."

Then...

When she was twenty-two she moved to California."Mom, I'm moving to LA. If you want to drive with me-- I'm leaving next week."

Rip off the bandage. Rip out my heart.

Kids don't get it. We become parents to have kids not to let them go....

But that is the irony isn't it? 

My child, isn't mine. 

She isn't even hers.

She's His.

So I will pray in her independence from me, from her dad, from our family, she depends on her Heavenly Father. 

And every time my stomach does a loop-dee-loop or every time my chest tries to pull my heart back in, I will pray God draws her close and she knows He is near... 

Even when I am not. 

Samantha, I will miss you more than you could ever imagine. (That is until  one day... you are called Mom.) I love you more than you can fathom. (That is until one day...you are called Mom.) No matter the distance between us, I will always be Mom. Always loving you, cheering you on, and praying for you. Whether I'm sitting next to you, in the stands, or across the ocean, I am your biggest fan. You call me, Mom.


And wrap your head around this, God loves you even more...........

He doesn't sit on the side-lines. He will walk right alongside you every step of the way. Never no never letting you move beyond His loving grasp because...

He holds on with supernatural super glue.

With faith, hope, and love,

Mom

We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19

Click here to find out more information about Lori Wildenberg and 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting 

 Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love












Raising Little Kids with Big Love

 

.

She's Leaving

Same home. Same event.

Different  responses.

Enthusiasm- Energy Drain.
Forward facing- Memory Embracing.
Kendra's twinkling eyes- My tear-glistening eyes.

She can't wait.

I hope for more time.

She's heading back to school. Two-hundred and thirty-four miles from home.

 Four hours from...me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her. She's living her life. 
This is as it should be. 

It just hurts.

No, she isn't my first kid to do this.
Three others have gone before.

No, this isn't her first year.
It's her third.

Repetition has not softened the ache. 

I will miss her.

And...that's all.

by,
Kendra's Mom

 Find Raising Little Kids with Big Love on Amazon or at Barnes and Noble.
(for parents of children toddler-eight.)

Growing Up Moving Out

Six times. We have moved our four kids six times since May. One out of an apartment, one into an apartment, two home from college, one to California, one back to college.

Flexibility is the name of the game, especially when it comes to parenting the late teen, young adult years. 

Each time one of my kids moves, it is not only a change for my kid but for me too. I have never been good with change...not good since life never remains stagnant. 

Moving out, moving in, moving away, moving back. YIKES!

One of my girl's, who just graduated from college, decided it was time to move to California. She was born in San Diego, loves the warmth, hates the Colorado cold, loves the beach, and isn't much of a mountain fan. So on a wing and prayer, she and I drove cross-country (OKAY....not that far, but across five state lines.) with her most important possessions in the hopes of securing a job in the Golden State.

She is so brave. She isn't afraid of a challenge or change. I never would have done that at age twenty-one. In fact, I wouldn't do it now!

The adjustment came with the stress and pressure that looking for a job brings. I wanted to make it easy for her, kiss the owie of the temporary unemployment away. I don't like to watch her hurt or struggle.

Even though discouragement was part of the package, she persevered. Her tenacity muscles were built while my muscles were stretched. She secured her job and now can pay her bills. (Yippee!)

Reflecting on this, I guess this is why God allows us (me) to struggle too. There are such great benefits to the delayed gratification. When things don't go the way I want or as fast as I'd hoped, I find myself turning to him. I learn patience, persistence, and perseverance in the process. Humility is grown when waiting is a part of the picture.

So all-in-all change is an emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually maturing process for my kids. And while I am only the observer, it is for me, too. 

My protection and success come from God alone. 

Psalm 62: 7

How is God growing you?

College Bound

This post will go out a few days after we move our youngest to college.
 Four hours away.Two Hundred and forty minutes. No more last minute shopping trips, lunches, hikes. No more late night gab sessions on her bed. No more impromptu belly laughing moments at goofy YouTube videos. I'm going to miss Kendra a lot.

People have said to me, "Oh, it will be easy this time. You have been through it three other times." Well...because I've been through it three other times, I can say with certainty, "It won't be easy. A big piece of my heart will stay behind in Grand Junction, Colorado."

Each time a family member leaves, a hole is left. No one else can fill that special spot in the family. I love being a mom and my heart bursts with joy when all my kids are around. (Okay... there are those times my heart breaks from choices they have made but overall life is best ...not perfect but best ...when my family is together.)

Experience hasn't harden my heart to good-by but it has taught me how to respond to this transition.
So since this is kid number four I'll pass along what I have learned.

1. Don't call everyday crying (Yep, I did that to kid number 1.)
2. Wait for your child to call first (experts always recommend this- I still haven't been able to do it but I do resist the urge to phone daily. I shoot for 1-3 times a week.)
3. Ask about classes, homework, schedule, friends. Make a mental note to remember the details-like names of friends.
4. Visit on family weekend and not before. The child needs time to adjust.
5. Listen but try not to feed into or take on the negative attitudes or emotions about the school. Many kids think they should transfer before 1st semester is even done. Encourage your child to hang in there and stay  the entire freshman year at the same place.
6. When your young adult returns home for vacations, there will be a readjustment. Remember, the college student has been making many decisions on his own and setting up his own schedule. Try to respect that. Also the student is reentering family life as he crosses the threshold. Consideration and respect for the family routine is important. Talk about specific expectations on both parts so the time at home is pleasant.

Once again I am going to attempt to focus on the upcoming and exciting things God has in store for my child. And when I feel very sorry for myself, I will praise God that he has blessed me with some great but not perfect kids.

"Love never fails" 

1 Corinthians 13:8

Please share some of the ways you have coped with a child going off to college. What has been the most difficult for you?

Turn, Turn, Turn

Theme for April: Change

Verse:

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Mom's Musing:

Things don't stay the same. When my kids were babies I couldn't wait for the first time each one slept through the night, said the first word, or took the first step. Now I find myself holding my breath each time a new phase in my kids' lives enters my world. Wondering what that will mean. (Of course it is all about me.) From no longer needing my hand  to cross the street to borrowing the car keys. From moving into a big kid bed to moving into a college dorm. Change. Different. Inevitable.

When we brought our oldest child to college there was a mixture of excitement, anticipation, and fear. Did Tom and I equip her with the practical life skills she will need? Will she make good friends? Will she be able to hold firm to her faith and values without daily, physical family support?  What will happen when she's tempted by... well...temptation? When will this hole in my heart and lump in my throat go away?

We have moved three of our four kids to college. The wounded heart reopens and the lump returns with each departure. The questions and uncertainty resurface. (While writing this tears are stinging my eyes and I'm asking, "Where are the tissues?")  Change in life's circumstances requires an altered response.

A friend of mine has sent her two boys off to school. With a few tears and a wave she readjusts then redecorates. Her boys' bedrooms now function as a workout room and guest room. She knew the rooms at my home still look the same (only neater than when occupied daily).

What I am learning is each family deals with change differently. Some slowly, others rapidly. Neither way is wrong. But no matter a new normal changes day to day living. So whether your child is going to be going off to Kindergarten or to college next year, adjustment will be part of the menu.


Parenting Tip: The best tip I could pass along is to make sure you have a life too- a life that doesn't only revolve around your kids. Spend time with your spouse and friends. Continue to build those relationships and grow your faith as you raise your children.

Shabby Chic

Theme for June: Unity
Scripture Verse:

"Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined,

and every city or household divided against itself will not stand"
Matthew 12:25b

Mom's Musing:
Doing a project with another person can either unify or divide the participants. When my daughter came home from college, we tackled a task together. We shared the job of painting furniture. Her bedroom set (previously mine as a child) was transformed from princess style, white and gold to shabby chic, silver and black. Working, laughing and enjoying each other's company was great fun! Treasured time in the garage with black paint smeared on our faces will be a memory that brings a smile.

Parenting Tip:
Keep your perspective when working on a home project with your child. Remember enjoying the time together is even more important than the final product. Let it be a memory building experience-in a good way!