Motherhood...the slow band-aid removal technique

The roller-coaster in my stomach woke me up this morning.

My heart is not confined to my chest. 

I don't have the flu.

I'm not having a heart attack.

My twenty-four year old daughter is moving.

Moving out of the country.

Motherhood is the slow Band-Aid removal technique. It's very nature is a series of slow and painful separations.

Birth-- it's the start of it all.  

Weening.

Preschool. 

School. 

Activities and friendships.

Camp.

College. 

A move out of state.

And now this...Taiwan.

I'm not good at sharing. I'm not a hover mother--I'm a hoarder-mutter. 

When Samantha was six, she and I had a weekend alone in our home. (Unheard of when you have a husband, four children, and two dogs.) As she was getting ready for bed she announced, "I'm sleeping with you tonight, Mom. I don't want you to be lonely." 

When she went to camp, she called, "Mom can you pick me up? I'm homesick."

Then...

When she was twenty-two she moved to California."Mom, I'm moving to LA. If you want to drive with me-- I'm leaving next week."

Rip off the bandage. Rip out my heart.

Kids don't get it. We become parents to have kids not to let them go....

But that is the irony isn't it? 

My child, isn't mine. 

She isn't even hers.

She's His.

So I will pray in her independence from me, from her dad, from our family, she depends on her Heavenly Father. 

And every time my stomach does a loop-dee-loop or every time my chest tries to pull my heart back in, I will pray God draws her close and she knows He is near... 

Even when I am not. 

Samantha, I will miss you more than you could ever imagine. (That is until  one day... you are called Mom.) I love you more than you can fathom. (That is until one day...you are called Mom.) No matter the distance between us, I will always be Mom. Always loving you, cheering you on, and praying for you. Whether I'm sitting next to you, in the stands, or across the ocean, I am your biggest fan. You call me, Mom.


And wrap your head around this, God loves you even more...........

He doesn't sit on the side-lines. He will walk right alongside you every step of the way. Never no never letting you move beyond His loving grasp because...

He holds on with supernatural super glue.

With faith, hope, and love,

Mom

We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19

Click here to find out more information about Lori Wildenberg and 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting 

 Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love












Raising Little Kids with Big Love

 

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Listen, Learn, Love

While sitting in the middle seat on a full flight from Denver to D.C. I was reminded of three simple truths: To listen, to learn, to love in order to impact and grow all my relationships.

I grabbed the book Listen, Learn, Love: How to Dramatically Improve Your Relationships in 30 days or Less to be my reading material for the flight. 

The book speaks to all relationships: the static, the mediocre, and even the good and shows the reader how to move them to the next level. 

When life gets busy (like it always seems to be) or stressful (like it can get)  I tend to put my relationships, the ones I'm secure in, on auto-pilot. I forget  to affirm my loved ones with Susie Albert Miller's three L's.

This little book takes everyday wisdom and clearly lays out how to apply the listen, learn, and love principles. Basic in their application, blessed in their reception. 

In the time it took to fly from the Rocky Mountains to the Capital, I was able to start and finish the book. (I believe my EQ -Emotional Quotient- increased!) 

Profound and practical. No platitudes. Common sense.

Parents, don't underestimate the power of really listening to your child. We are so good at talking at them. Not so good at listening to them. 

With our little ones we are tuned into their likes and dislikes. As kids get older we know less. What music does he like? Who is his favorite band? Why is his best pal, his best pal? What are his hopes, dreams, goals, plans? Study your child. Learn him.

Choose to love. We can make a decision each day, in each interaction, to choose love. 

Don't we all feel well loved when we are heard, understood, and cared for? 

And when we listen, learn, and love--Susie is right, our relationships will blossom.

Click here to head over to Amazon.

with faith hope and love,

Lori Wildenberg

Defining Love (Plus Give-Away)

Defining LOVE

I hope you had a great Valentines Weekend with your family.

so how would you define or describe love? 

How do you define love?

Write your definition or description of love in the comment section 

and be eligible to win a free book!

Raising Little Kids with Big Love

Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love

Empowered Parents: Putting Faith First

Cup of Comfort Devotional

With faith, hope, and love,
Lori

The Power of Love A Heart Attitude

Love your neighbor as yourself. 

Matthew 22:39

Most of us know the greatest command is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and body. The second greatest commandment is to love others, like we love ourselves.

A tall order, but we get it.

One friend told me, "I think I love your daughter even more than I love you." And I loved hearing that!

Of course we know we don't quantify love, love just is. But don't miss the implication. The best way for my friend to love me... is to love my child.

I think that is what God is saying. The best way to love him is to love his children. 

We can love his children, our co-heirs with Christ, like we do him: with our hearts, souls, mind, and body.

Our attitudes, thoughts, and actions demonstrate love  or...not. 

If I really love others as I  love myself,  I will treat them as I want to be treated. (I always know how I like to be treated!) 

It seems the best place to start (at least for me) is with my heart attitude toward another person. Admittedly my attitude isn't always so...generous, especially if I have been wounded.

An acronym I developed over the years for my classes and speaking engagements is  H.E.A.R.T. This is an easy way for me to remember how to adjust my "tude" so I actually can treat another in the way I would like to be treated. 

H: Humility. We all fall short.

E: Encourage. Build up don't tear down.

A: Affection. Show affection for others. 

R: Respect. We won't always agree, that's okay. But we can be respectful.

T: Thankfulness. Demonstrate a grateful heart for those God has in your life. (They are there for a reason, as we are for them.)

Loving is tough sometimes. Especially when things don't go the way we want or when someone doesn't see things exactly the same way. Easy love isn't great love. As Jesus says, "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those that love them"  (Luke 6:32). 

With faith, hope,and love,

~Lori

Fighting Words

"You need to settle down." 

Oh boy... Fighting words.

I overheard a man (maybe a husband) say that to (I presume) his wife. I was going for a run and passed this poor soul while he was talking on his cell phone. As I cut through a parking lot, I heard him deliver his statement.

I wanted to stop, pull him aside, and give him a little advice: "Avoid the pairs of words, NEED TO and SETTLE DOWN." They were a double whammy to the recipient on the other end of the call.

I didn't. I chose to mind my own business. But I'm guessing the conversation escalated.

There are some high powered words that pack a one two punch, words to keep out of my vocabulary ...and yours (unless you are looking to climb into the ring) I have listed below:

Need to
Should have
Ought to
Why didn't
Told you

Settle down
Just relax
Chill out
Grow up

These pairs don't look too good in the parent-child or in the husband and wife  relationship. The first set is the, "You were wrong. I was right." These words are  said after the person who made the mistake or bad decision already knows this.

The other grouping basically says, "You are so emotional and immature."

Both  messages are condescending and unhelpful. These words generate strong emotions when spoken. The issue then becomes the angry or hurt feelings attached to the words rather than whatever the problem actually is.

Instead, stick to seeking a solution. With kids, rather than saying anything in section one (no matter how tempting) say, "How will you handle this differently next time?" In the case of the spouse, quiet is called for.

When another person becomes highly volatile instead of telling them to take it down a notch say, "I can see you are upset. How can I help?"

I want respect and love to reign in my home. So I must speak with love and respect and then I can expect the same in return.

Show proper respect to everyone. 

1 Peter 2:17

Christmas Love

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.

 Luke 2:14

Mary heard the shepherds account of the angels regarding the birth of Jesus and she "treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Mary, a mom, remembered and cherished these moments. 

The middle candle on the Advent wreath, the LOVE candle, reminds us of Jesus. 

This week, make a pact with your family to treasure and ponder Jesus. 

Bring Jesus into your home through your conversation and actions. Be blessed... because you are! Be a blessing...because you can! Glory to God in the highest. Amen and Amen.

How did you include Jesus in Christmas? How do you plan to  keep Christmas love, joy, hope, and faith alive throughout 2013?

New Math

Theme for April: Change

Verse:

 "For God does not show favoritism."

Romans 2:11

Mom's Musing:

Spring the season of new life. Yesterday I opened a birth announcement. Oh...enclosed was a picture of  the new precious bundle. What a perfect way to kick off spring.

When I held our first child in my arms I couldn't believe how much love poured out of me. It felt as if we had waited an eternity to be parents. All that love and longing now had a place to go. I wondered, "Did my parents feel like this when they held me? How could love be so big? So all encompassing?"

Lots of parents have this experience holding their first child. Then along comes the anticipation of the second child. Crazy thoughts enter the mind like, "Will my love be as big for another child?" What will happen when I divide my love between them?"

God has a great solution to the problem. Love multiplies, it doesn't divide. Like the Grinch, the heart grows  bigger with each new addition. A mystery for sure but true never the less.

Parenting Tip:
Avoid playing favorites or even joking about it. This only serves as a catalyst to create feelings of sibling rivalry and jealousy. There is no limit to love.

Love Notes

Theme for February: Love!
Verse:

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart."

 Proverbs 3:3

Mom's Musing:
"You
     are           MOM
       the
         best
             Mom"
This is written on a note card, colorfully decorated, and prominently displayed on my refrigerator. My middle daughter made it for me a number of years ago. It still hangs on my fridge. I love to look at it. The child-like printing reminds me of treasured days gone by. The sentiment still gives me joy. Her handwriting is different now- her own style- a combination of flowing cursive and manuscript.
I've saved many of my kids love notes over the years. They have saved some of mine. Why is it that a handwritten message is so intimate or personal? For some reason it has an element of importance.

Parenting Tip: Take time today to write a love note to your child. It will be a gift now and in years to come. Who knows it may even make the Refrigerator Hall of Fame.

Love Gifts

Theme for February: Love!
Verse:

Love is kind. 1 Corinthians 13:4b

Mom's Musing:
Need to: shovel driveway, unload dishwasher, walk dog. The list in my head was growing. I'd had a full day and expected to hit the ground running when I returned home. Energy was draining out of my body while thinking about all the things to accomplish before making dinner. But... I came home to three "to dos" done! My daughter had beaten me home and decided to surprise me with her acts of service. I LOVE a surprise! (Quick qualifier: the good kind.)
Energy was filling my bones, contentment filling my heart because of my child's giving heart and consideration demonstration.
Doing small-or in this case many-acts of kindness are a beautiful expression of love. Pitching in or helping out when not asked or expected warms the heart of the recipient.

Parenting Tip: Warm your kids hearts by performing unexpected and small acts of kindness. Kind actions grow love.

Love is

Theme: Love!
 In celebration of Valentine's Day I'm posting a love poem.

Love

Love is:
Teaching your child to pray.Cleaning up throw up in the middle of the night and not complaining.
Smiling when your child throws his dirty, sandy arms around you, making your new outfit a little dirty.
Saying thank you when your child buses his dishes from the table,
      dripping food all the way to the counter.
Holding your child's hand when he gets a shot.
Helping your child clean up after a spill.
Not rolling our eyes when your child spills for the sixth time that day.
Reading the Bible with your children.
 Sticking to your family rules when you are somewhere other than home.
Knowing what your children are reading and watching.
Forgiving your child when he has made a mistake and not bringing it up again.
Taking time to date your spouse.
 Spending time alone with each child.
Listening to your child without judging.
Maintaining a sense of humor.
Responding and reacting to your children  in a way you would like to be treated.
Biting your tongue until you can speak with wisdom and grace.
Delighting in God's creation.
Sharing yourself.
Not listening to music in the car and having a conversation instead.
Helping your child through the struggles of life, not around the struggles.
Building others up.
Taking your child to church.
Praying for your spouse and your children.
Admitting when you are wrong and saying you're sorry.
Putting the needs of your spouse and family above your own.
Patient, Kind, Gentle
Not envious, Not boastful, Not proud, Not rude
Always protecting, Always trusting, Always hopeful,
always persevering
Never failing
ETERNAL
By Lori Wildenberg 2002
Seen in EMPOWERED PARENTS: Putting Faith First Wildenberg & Danielson
Pages 82-83

Listen up, Tina Turner!

Theme: Love!
Verse:

" If I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."

1 Corinthians 13: 2b

Mom's Musing:
My home is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. When I was a teen, my Minnesota church choir came to Colorado. (Truth be told, I can't sing a note but signed up for choir because of the trip out west. Thankfully the director took bad singers and those with selfish motives. I fit into both categories.) As the bus made it's way on I70 west, I could see the mountain range. As we rolled further west, the mountains disappeared behind the closer foothills. Now I get to see those same foothills everyday. Imagine having a faith to move those mountains, those foothills? That would be impressive, right? But in God's economy it would amount to nada. What does love have to do with it? EVERYTHING. Listen up, Tina Turner.
The best gift we can give our kids on Valentine's or any other day of the week isn't material items or even showing off by moving a mountain. (Okay if you could push a mountain around you would totally rate in the most cool parent department.) The best present is our presence. US. Time with mom and dad talking, hanging out, playing games, laughing. All that spells L-O-V-E. The most precious, meaningful gift. And that's according to God. Since He is love- I guess he knows what he's talking about.
Parenting Tip: Carve out time into your week where you are just having fun with your child. Love endures forever!

A Michael Sighting

Theme for August: Communication
Verse:

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

Proverbs 16:24



Mom's Musing:
My nephew just turned twenty-three. Historically summer birthdays are celebrated during shared time at the family cabin in Minnesota. This year, my nephew had an internship in Chicago. He and my daughter weren't able to make their traditional birthday cake together. Times change as children age. On the drive from Minnesota to Colorado my family stopped in Iowa in order to see the family members we were missing, uncertain if Michael would be a part of the gathering. Although brief, we did have the opportunity to connect face-to-face. Time was condensed yet highly concentrated with laughter, smiles, good natured teasing,and conversation. We packed a lot into those short hours, exchanging I love yous and hugs.
Parenting Tip: Verbalizing affection and laughing together...timeless treasures.