It is midway through the summer. How are you doing? Are your kids beginning to pick at each other? Do you feel a little frustrated
with your kids’ bickering? Is their relationship what you had hoped? Do you
want your kids to best buds when they grow up? Of course! Most parents do.
But here's the kicker...not all
moms and dads are relationship builders- some act more like relationship busters.
Honestly examine your
building or busting with these five questions:
1. Do you compare your children? “Why aren’t you responsible
like Brandon? Why don’t you behave like Emma? Your brother used the big
potty when he was three.”
2. Do you allow constant conflict? “If there isn’t blood, work it out
yourselves.”
3. Do you foster competition? “I bet you could run even faster
than Sam if you practiced.”
4. Do you choose one over the other? “Cayden and
I have a lot in common. We just click.”
5. Do you coddle one over the other? “Caitlin is having a
bad day, she can’t help it that she behaved badly.”
Comparison,
constant conflict, competition, choice, and coddling one over the other pit
siblings against each other. They are relationship busters.
If you answered yes to
any of the questions above, you can still change your ways. Here are some relationship builder approaches:
1. “You have unique and special talents, just as your brother
has unique and special talents.”
2. Give the kids tools
to resolve conflict. Don’t allow them to fight dirty
(name calling, physical actions)
3. Have the child compete against
himself. “You can do better if you practice. I can help
you come up with a plan to improve."
4. Find a way to connect with all your kids.
5. Be fair in
treatment. Don’t play favorites.
So…. how can a mom
encourage her children to genuinely like each other? How can she build
relationships and connections between siblings? She can intentionally create opportunities for kids
to enjoy each other. Have the activities be viewed as special, doing things
that are not normally done. Even with summer part way over with here are ten ways to wrap up your vacation time together on a good note. And... then tweak these ideas to fit the rest of the year!
Have
fun together: A slumber party in a
common area.
Eat
together: An indoor
picnic.
Work
together: A lemonade stand.
Create
together: Cook a meal,
bake cookies.
Serve
together: Join forces to help
out another. (pick weeds or mow an elderly neighbor’s yard)
Delight
in each other: Do a surprise act of
kindness for a brother or sister. (make a bed, do a chore)
Demonstrate
thoughtfulness. (If you are out with
one child and stop at DQ, think of the one at home and bring him a treat-let
the sibling be the giver.)
Encourage
each other up: Designate a “Special
Person” during dinner. Go around the table, stating PUT- UPS or affirmations
for that individual.
Pray
for each other: Before bedtime
have prayer time.
Build
memories: Make a scrapbooks of
shared activities.
Be the coach and not
the referee this summer and beyond. Guide and encourage your kids to be sibling friends.
When you act as a relationship builder you
will have the great pleasure of watching your young adults seek opportunities
to enjoy one another’s company.
Have sincere love for your brothers, love one
another deeply, from the heart.
1 Peter 1:22b
What do you do to build up your kids' relationships?
(Portions of this blog were taken from Lori's article over at Her View From Home, June 6, 2013)
Contact Lori to schedule a speaking engagement or a parenting workshop.
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