Four Parenting Myths Busted

Parents, here are a four myths we are tempted to believe ... and the truth that busts them:

1. Correction Crushes a Child's Spirit.

    TRUTH:  No. Correction is training. Kids need training. Criticism is the thing that crushes a child's spirit. Correction motives and encourages a child to do something better. It is training. 

     Criticism sounds like: Your room is always a mess. You are so disorganized. How can you find anything?  (negative, personal attack, shaming)

     Correction sounds like: Your room needs some TLC. I will show you how you can organize it. I will help you if you like. (state problem, train, offer assistance- same team approach)

2. A Big Voice Means Business.

     TRUTH: No. A big voice means the parent is out of control and the child has control of the parent's emotions. 

      A quiet voice (not a whispered threatening voice, a pleasant one) , in close proximity, using eye contact, and gentle touch increases the importance of the message and is more likely to gain the         child's cooperation. 

3. My Kids Need to Work It Out Alone.

      TRUTH: No. Most kids don't have conflict resolution skills. If they are not assisted, jungle rules prevail. The biggest, toughest kid gets his way. 

       Instead give your children skills to deal with conflict. Teach them how to respectfully state a concern without attacking the person.  Speak stating with "I" rather than "You".  " I feel frustrated           when you use my stuff without asking." Next person, "I'm sorry I took your shirt with ut your permission. Will you forgive me?" "Yes" Final line, "I will ask next time."  Train your kids in how           to handle interpersonal issues respectfully.  They need your help to do this.  Be sure to be the coach than the referee.

4. Consistency is a MUST. 

      TRUTH: No. Consistency is critical in moral, safety, and legal  messages. How the issues are dealt with depends on the situation and the child. Discipline doesn't always have to be the same. Where you stand on important issues does. 

What myths do you believe?

Teach me your way, Lord,
    that I may rely on your faithfulness.
Psalm 86:11a 

By,
Lori Wildenberg
Co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting, co-author of three parenting books.  Contact Lori for your next speaking engagement.

If you found this post helpful check out Lori's co-authored books:
Raising Little Kids with Big Love ( toddler to 9) and Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love 
( tween to young adult)   both books by Wildenberg & Danielson

Inconsistently Consistent

Theme for April:  Change

Verse:

Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No'.

 Matthew 5:37

Mom's Musing:

Consistency, is a word often associated with parenting. The verse, "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes'and your  'No' be 'No' (Matthew 5: 37) has largely been misunderstood. This statement actually refers to being a person of integrity, one who keeps his word and speaks the truth.

Many parents find consistency difficult. Always trying to give the same responses, rewards, or  consequences for similar situations. Trying to train the same everyday and every way from potty training to driver training. It is an impossible task. It can't be done. Why? The human factor and life circumstances. Go ahead....breathe a sigh of relief. Flexibility and creativity are the name of the game.

So you ask, "What if I've delivered a punishment, don't I have to carry it through to the end?"
Answer, "Nope." Just because you said it, doesn't mean you can't unsay it. There are times when we get-overzealous in our reaction. When we do, it's time to pull back and readjust.

The best way to deal with behavior you'd like to tweak (notice I said behavior not offspring) is to find a way to train for desirable behavior. Rather than use an old stand-by punishment such as timeout or being grounded for life-practice the better behavior.  For example, if your child is disrespectful don't dismiss him to isolation - instead have him restate his words with respect. If a parent gets all worked up and easily offended the child has not only figured out what buttons to push but has also gained the upper hand.  Obviously this is to be avoided.


Parenting Tip: Be consistent went it comes to your  promises, faith, morals, values, safety, and legal issues. In all other situations-be creative, flexible and then train.