Four Parenting Myths Busted

Parents, here are a four myths we are tempted to believe ... and the truth that busts them:

1. Correction Crushes a Child's Spirit.

    TRUTH:  No. Correction is training. Kids need training. Criticism is the thing that crushes a child's spirit. Correction motives and encourages a child to do something better. It is training. 

     Criticism sounds like: Your room is always a mess. You are so disorganized. How can you find anything?  (negative, personal attack, shaming)

     Correction sounds like: Your room needs some TLC. I will show you how you can organize it. I will help you if you like. (state problem, train, offer assistance- same team approach)

2. A Big Voice Means Business.

     TRUTH: No. A big voice means the parent is out of control and the child has control of the parent's emotions. 

      A quiet voice (not a whispered threatening voice, a pleasant one) , in close proximity, using eye contact, and gentle touch increases the importance of the message and is more likely to gain the         child's cooperation. 

3. My Kids Need to Work It Out Alone.

      TRUTH: No. Most kids don't have conflict resolution skills. If they are not assisted, jungle rules prevail. The biggest, toughest kid gets his way. 

       Instead give your children skills to deal with conflict. Teach them how to respectfully state a concern without attacking the person.  Speak stating with "I" rather than "You".  " I feel frustrated           when you use my stuff without asking." Next person, "I'm sorry I took your shirt with ut your permission. Will you forgive me?" "Yes" Final line, "I will ask next time."  Train your kids in how           to handle interpersonal issues respectfully.  They need your help to do this.  Be sure to be the coach than the referee.

4. Consistency is a MUST. 

      TRUTH: No. Consistency is critical in moral, safety, and legal  messages. How the issues are dealt with depends on the situation and the child. Discipline doesn't always have to be the same. Where you stand on important issues does. 

What myths do you believe?

Teach me your way, Lord,
    that I may rely on your faithfulness.
Psalm 86:11a 

By,
Lori Wildenberg
Co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting, co-author of three parenting books.  Contact Lori for your next speaking engagement.

If you found this post helpful check out Lori's co-authored books:
Raising Little Kids with Big Love ( toddler to 9) and Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love 
( tween to young adult)   both books by Wildenberg & Danielson

A Real Parent's Question

Here and there I share a real parent's question regarding parenting. 
Today is one of those days....
Here's the question from a mom:

What can I do about my toddler's  BIG LOUD voice? 

My recommendation:

I find the best way to go is a hand signal combined with words. Take your hand, palm down, and lower it. While you do this softly say, "Quiet voice" or "Indoor voice."

Then don't respond to the child until she complies. You may want to continue to use the signal and the words, "Quiet voice."

Throughout the day say, "We use our indoor voice inside" for continued training.

When she does use her quiet voice respond immediately and reinforce it by saying," I love listening to your indoor voice." Or "Your inside voice is a respectful voice. Thanks for using it." 

Affirm ANY improvement or effort you notice. 

Reduce the total noise level in your home by turning down the volume on the TV, radio, and CDs. Keep the adult voice level down as well. Rather than shouting out a directive...move to your child, bend over, get eye contact, then speak with the type of voice you would like your child to use.

After awhile you should be able to use your hand signal as a reminder to drop a decibel or two. 

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 16:24

What ideas could you share about maintaining a quieter home?

If you have a real parent question about kids, click here to email me. 

Contact Lori Wildenberg for your next event.

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