Kick Worry Out of Your Home

Friends,

We have an awesome guest blogger today. Cindi McMenamin has written  for Eternal Moments before as a guest a year ago and is a team member of 1st Corinthians 13 Parenting. Last year she gave us 5 Ways to Grow Closer to Your Spouse and this year she is writing to us about a common malady from which parents (particularly moms) suffer. WORRY...The What ifs of life. 

So let's get our New Year off to a great start by kicking worry right out of our home!

~Lori 

Kick Worry Out of Your Home

By Cindi McMenamin

Is worry the unwelcome guest in your home?

Well what if this is the year you did away with the worry habit for good?

Worry can stress you out, damage your family relationships, and ultimately give you an ulcer.

And the dangerous thing about worry is that it creeps into our lives gradually and makes its home with us before we notice it’s there. It usually enters our front door in the form of two words: What if?

What if my children get hurt?

What if they don’t make friends?

What if they follow the wrong crowd?

What if they’re lying to me?

What if they never get married?

And even…. What if I’m not a good enough mom? 

I realized one day, after spending time in God’s Word, that at the root of all my “What if” questions is what I really believe about God’s character. 

When my mind plays through the various what ifs, the questions I’m really asking are: 

What if God isn’t able?
What if God isn’t good?
What if God can’t handle this?

And... that is not an attitude or mindset I want dwelling in my home. 

So it was time to kick it out the door.

There’s a reason God’s Word tells me, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus,” (Philippians 4:6-7, NLT).

As I give God all of my what ifs and worries He can calm my heart and remind me that He is in absolute control. Then I can encourage my child, rather than stress her out with my worry and make her think she’s better off not letting me know what’s going on in her life.

That was one of the lessons I had to learn before I wrote my book, 10 Secrets to Becoming a Worry-Free Mom. Based on my own experience mothering – as well as  wisdom and advice from many other moms – I found that there are treasures (secrets, if you will) to discover as we surrender to God what is closest to our hearts – our children.  

One of those treasures is the incredible peace He offers as the Perfect Parent who allows us to partner with Him in raising, loving, and caring (not worrying) for our kids. Another treasure is that our relationship with God, our kids, and our husband gets better when we become encouragers, rather than worriers.

When you and I trust God with what is closest to our hearts, we are saying, “You, God, are capable. You are trustworthy. And all my worries and what ifs are in vain.”

We are also saying to our family members, “I trust God will work this out in your life and mine” and we are modeling trust and faith before them.

So how do you give God your concerns about your kids instead of worrying about them? It’s as easy as A-B-C:

A – Admit you do not have control over your child's life. As good of a monitor as you may be – about your child’s entertainment, friends, and whereabouts – your child will eventually be exposed to something or make a decision on his or her own that you have no control over. And as careful of a mom as you are, your child might still get hurt. Go ahead, give up that quest for control right now by saying aloud: "I am not in control of my child's life. God is."

B – Believe God wants only the best for you AND your child. Sometimes we fear that God will ask something of us or our children that we’re not willing to give. When you understand that God loves your child even more than you do, and He loves you more than you can imagine, there is peace in placing yourself and your child in God’s hands – no matter what.

C – Commit yourself to a deeper knowledge of God.  I believe our worry (and security) factor is directly related to how well we know God. When we truly know Him and understand all that He is capable of, we can’t help but trust Him. As you grow in a more intimate relationship with God, your worries will fall by the wayside. And you’ll have a new, healthier habit: Trust.   

When you kick worry out the door, Trust comes to live with you instead.

Would you like to win a free copy of Cindi’s book, 10 Secrets to Becoming a Worry-Free Mom? Leave a comment below about what YOU will do to rid your home of worry this year and share this blog post on your social media page and you’ll be entered in the drawing. The winner will be notified at the end of this week, Friday 13th, 2017. (U.S. residents only) 

You can find more of Cindi's wisdom over at 1st Corinthians 13 Parenting where, as a team member,  she is featured each month. 

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and author of more than a dozen books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 125,000 copies sold), When a Woman Inspires Her Husband, When a Mom Inspires Her Daughter, and her newest, 10 Secrets to Becoming a Worry-Free Mom .  Cindi and her husband, Hugh, live in Southern California with their daughter, Dana. For more on her ministry, see her website: StrengthForTheSoul.com or find her on Facebook. 

7 Ways to Help Your Child Through Today's Stressful Times

Friends,

Meet Barb Dittrich, founder of SNAPPIN' Ministries (Special Needs Parents Network). She is writing today about how to help support and stabilize your kiddos during tragedy or uncertain times (like what we are experiencing now as a country). 

Be blessed by her wisdom!

~Lori

7 STEPS TO PUT A FLOOR UNDER OUR KIDS IN UNCERTAIN TIMES

“This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 56:9b-11, ESV)

You would never know she is in her mid-teens as she nestles next to her mother on the overstuffed couch, arms linked, hands intertwined, nuzzling her face into her mother’s shoulder.  It seems like strange behavior as the evening news blares from the television.  Isn’t she a little old for this?

In tumultuous, uncertain times like we are currently experiencing in our world, children from very young to nearly adult age find themselves feeling like the ground is moving under their inexperienced feet.  The threats to their well-being seem to assault them at a rate much faster than they are able to process.  Whether it be terrorist attacks, the rise in teen heroine deaths, new epidemics like the Zika virus, or racial unrest, the size and scope of these occurrences can completely overwhelm a still-developing brain.

Being the mother of 3 children, all of whom struggle with anxiety, I have put myself out in front of this issue, and I would urge you to do the same.  Having the adult capacity to filter the almost daily news trauma, I know that my tender kids can be deeply affected by it.  While I can discern enough to realize what I should be concerned about and what I should not, my children, even at teen age, do not yet fully possess that skill.  This requires a wise, proactive approach on my part.

Here is how I put a floor under my kids in uncertain times:

•       Make myself approachable – It may sound obvious, but this is something we parents need to be aware of BEFORE crises occur.  With how busy we all are these days, I have to be deliberate about allowing my kids to interrupt me when I am engaged in something non-essential.  This means that I ask how they are doing, make direct eye contact, and allow them to speak to me when I am working at my desk, making a meal, or relaxing for the night.  I even invite them to accompany me if I am doing a mundane task.  I want to be the person they come to FIRST when life gets hard.

•   Listen to their concerns – Don’t half-listen, fully listen.  Notice their demeanor, their facial expressions, their tone.  Follow their logic (or lack thereof) to its conclusion.  This not only helps you to get a reading on where your child is at, it validates them. 

•  Don’t dismiss or belittle their concerns – While children’s worries can seem irrational, they are not necessarily irrational to them.  They are kids.  Confirm that you can see how they might believe what they are believing.  This increases the chance that your child will feel more comfortable coming to you the next time they are worried.

• Talk through their worries with reassurance – It is important to stay at an age appropriate level when discussing world events or big concerns with our children.  You are the visible presence of a Sovereign God to your kids.  Offering them the comfort that you and other important adults are doing everything possible to keep them safe is something they need to know.

• Offer physical reassurance – Hugs, holding, and sometimes just the proximity of being together in the same room can help your child to gain a sense of groundedness in uncertain times.  Touch is an essential human need.  Your touch is, again, God’s presence to your child.

• Usher them into God’s matchless Sovereignty with Scripture – One of my children has a medical diagnosis that requires me to talk him through repeated pain.  From even his toddler years, I spoke Scripture into him for reassurance.  “Be anxious for nothing,” (Phil 4:6, NKJV); “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,” (Phil 4:13, NKJV); “This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 56: 9b-11, ESV) are all easy passages for kids to memorize and internalize.  Remember, God PROMISES those words will accomplish His purposes when we speak them to our children.

• Know when to bring in reinforcements – If your child is losing sleep, constantly jittery, suddenly bed-wetting when they weren’t before, complaining of stomach pain or headaches, or generally stuck in worry, do not be afraid to talk to your pediatrician for a referral to a mental health professional.  Our family has successfully used Cognitive Behavior Therapy to get unstuck from difficult, persistent anxiety.  It is time and money well spent for the child you love.

These are worrisome times in history.  Thank God that He is bigger than our greatest worries!  Letting our children see us remain calm as we trust in Him, lovingly guiding them back to our only Solid Ground will equip them to face any uncertainty, now and in the years ahead.

How are you helping your child through these stressful times?

FOR FURTHER READING:

Talking to Children About Tragedies and Other News Events https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/Talking-To-Children-About-Tragedies-and-Other-News-Events.aspx#.V4lqZFvJORY

Responding to Stressful Events: Helping Children Cope http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/publicat/oes-bsu-02/child-eng.php

10 Ways for Parents to Help Kids Through Scary Times http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meryl-ain-edd/10-ways-for-parents-to-help-kids-through-scary-times_b_8727618.html

About Barb Dittrich

The mother of three children, all of whom have a variety of chronic illnesses or special needs, Barbara Dittrich founded SNAPPIN' MINISTRIES (Special Needs Parents Network) in 2002 and currently serves as its Executive Director.  The organization she leads was one of three finalists for WORLD MAGAZINE’S HopeAward for Effective Compassion in October of 2009, in conjunction with the American Bible Society.  With a unique vision for serving parents of children with chronic illness, disability, or special needs, she has led the SNAPPIN’ MINISTRIES team in developing an innovative parent mentor curriculum.  She lives with her husband of 20+ years in Wisconsin, writes and speaks nationwide, and is the creator of the blog http://www.comfortinthemidstofchaos.com/.  She also opines on her personal blog http://www.barbdittrich.com/.

I Vote No to the Frenzied Family Life. Are You with Me?

A few weeks ago my oldest kiddo had the day off of work. She and I decided to take full advantage of it. We had a girl's day. We got a manicure and then headed to the mall for lunch and little shopping.

Self indulgent? It sounds like it is but I prefer to look at it as an investment in our relationship. (Tom is saying, "Good spin, Lor.")

Anyway...
as we walked through the mall, (wait for it)...  Santa along with all the trimmings were commandeering the 2nd floor of the Park Meadow Mall.

October hadn't even breathed its first breath! 

I felt a chill. My heart skipped a beat. The hustle, the bustle, the hurry... is beginning. 

We forget, I forget...life is precious. Time is limited.

Time should not be rushed.

As the holiday season breathes down on us, we pant busyness. We lament, "So much to do, so little time."

Stop. Inhale. Exhale. Look around.

Rather--Look up.

I vote no to the frenzied life. I reject the rush. I am against the fragmented family syndrome. 

I choose perspective, eternal perspective.

Are you with me?

Here are three values that have helped me (truth be told--I'm still in need of some intervention) keep life and the holidays in their proper place.

•  People are more important than stuff.
•  People are more important than chores, cooking, and cleaning.
•  People are more important than my iPhone or screen time.

Here are 7 ways I can live out those values:

1. Plan times to hang out with family and friends. Commit them to the calendar. Then do it.
2. Divide up the household chores and errands. Distribute the responsibilities.
3. Create a no phone  and no screen zone space and time.
4. Avoid the joy stealing competition of  comparison that plays in my mind.
5. Whittle down the yeses to God's best for me, my time, and my family.
6. Be okay with good enough. Avoid catching the perfection infection.
7. Keep some white space on the calendar so I have some margin to serve or engage.

Are you with me?

 Let's cherish our loved ones. Let's spend time together. Let's laugh together. Let's enjoy the relationships the Lord has given to us.

I'm choosing to put away the time suckers and distractions in order to be present with family and friends...and whomever else the Lord would show me.

Are you with me? 

And for this holiday season, to Martha who lives in my head...I don't want you to leave, I just want you to move over a bit because I really want to have a Mary Christmas. 

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

By, Lori Wildenberg

Join Lori, Becky, and the 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting team in Minneapolis for the HeartCORe Conference, November 14.  Keynotes and workshops are focused on the core values of family, faith, and education. Click here for more information.