What Will Happen to Christmas?

Friends,

Meet guest blogger and author Dr. Vicki Caruana. Today she is sharing her her heart about what happens to Christmas traditions when the kids are grown and gone.

Be blessed.

Lori

 What Will Happen to Christmas? 

Not living in close proximity to my children is an exercise in contentment. Yes, I realize we’re the ones who chose to move 2000 miles away. Yes, I realize that most American families live at a distance from one another. No, that knowledge is not enough to stop me from cooking for six every Sunday even though we no longer have Sunday family dinners.

Compensation for the distance comes in regular phone calls from my eldest son about what he’s cooking for dinner (he’s the cook in the family) and regular recipe exchanges. “Try this Mom,” he’ll suggest or “I’m making fish tacos tonight, why don’t you make them too?”

Last year we tried to have Christmas dinner together – via SKYPE. But with the two hour time difference, it really wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped it would be. I settled for seeing their shining faces by the light of their Christmas trees on a 12-inch laptop screen. Christmas mornings were about cinnamon rolls and egg nog before opening gifts. It isn’t the same for just the two of us.

I thought Chip and I had introduced and maintained some pretty fabulous traditions with our kids as they grew up; many of which define the holiday season. Is it still a tradition if you are not together? I’m trying to decide whether my struggle is with letting go of those things behind or holding onto the past with white knuckles. Is there a balance here? A way to honor our shared history and allow for the future to still be a mystery?

Actually I think it is about being okay with mystery.

Traditions offer us something to hold onto; something to depend on. Traditions help us feel rooted. That is the biggest reason I wanted traditions for our family – to be rooted.

What I have learned is that not only do we need to give our kids roots, we need to give them wings. After all, I never wanted my kids to feel “stuck” in a meaningless tradition. I want them to choose for themselves, and maybe they’ll choose to have Chinese food on Christmas Eve like we always did. And maybe they won’t. I’m learning to be okay either way.

Our children are coming to spend Christmas with us this year. For the first time in a year and a half my cooking portions will be appropriate! However, I will have to consider the leftovers factor (usually that means everything times two). The children fly in on Christmas Eve. As my son and I went over the airport details, he reminded me, “We will be having Chinese food though, right? After all, it is Christmas Eve.”

He has no idea how much that means to me.

 As you begin to let go of your desperate hold on some of your traditions, can you learn to be content even if they don’t come home for Christmas?

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

Philippians 4:11 (NIV)

Dr. Vicki Caruana is the author of 20 books and the blog Apples & Chalkdust—named after her bestselling book that has touched the lives of a million educators around the world. Caruana is one of four parenting experts on Starting Points, Focus on the Family’s parenting DVD series. Formerly a public school teacher and a homeschooling mom, Vicki is now an assistant professor of education at Mount Saint Mary College in New York. She lives with her station wagon loving husband, Chip, in Newburgh, New York and has two grown sons in Colorado Springs.

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I Vote No to the Frenzied Family Life. Are You with Me?

A few weeks ago my oldest kiddo had the day off of work. She and I decided to take full advantage of it. We had a girl's day. We got a manicure and then headed to the mall for lunch and little shopping.

Self indulgent? It sounds like it is but I prefer to look at it as an investment in our relationship. (Tom is saying, "Good spin, Lor.")

Anyway...
as we walked through the mall, (wait for it)...  Santa along with all the trimmings were commandeering the 2nd floor of the Park Meadow Mall.

October hadn't even breathed its first breath! 

I felt a chill. My heart skipped a beat. The hustle, the bustle, the hurry... is beginning. 

We forget, I forget...life is precious. Time is limited.

Time should not be rushed.

As the holiday season breathes down on us, we pant busyness. We lament, "So much to do, so little time."

Stop. Inhale. Exhale. Look around.

Rather--Look up.

I vote no to the frenzied life. I reject the rush. I am against the fragmented family syndrome. 

I choose perspective, eternal perspective.

Are you with me?

Here are three values that have helped me (truth be told--I'm still in need of some intervention) keep life and the holidays in their proper place.

•  People are more important than stuff.
•  People are more important than chores, cooking, and cleaning.
•  People are more important than my iPhone or screen time.

Here are 7 ways I can live out those values:

1. Plan times to hang out with family and friends. Commit them to the calendar. Then do it.
2. Divide up the household chores and errands. Distribute the responsibilities.
3. Create a no phone  and no screen zone space and time.
4. Avoid the joy stealing competition of  comparison that plays in my mind.
5. Whittle down the yeses to God's best for me, my time, and my family.
6. Be okay with good enough. Avoid catching the perfection infection.
7. Keep some white space on the calendar so I have some margin to serve or engage.

Are you with me?

 Let's cherish our loved ones. Let's spend time together. Let's laugh together. Let's enjoy the relationships the Lord has given to us.

I'm choosing to put away the time suckers and distractions in order to be present with family and friends...and whomever else the Lord would show me.

Are you with me? 

And for this holiday season, to Martha who lives in my head...I don't want you to leave, I just want you to move over a bit because I really want to have a Mary Christmas. 

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

By, Lori Wildenberg

Join Lori, Becky, and the 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting team in Minneapolis for the HeartCORe Conference, November 14.  Keynotes and workshops are focused on the core values of family, faith, and education. Click here for more information. 

The Lord's Song

In keeping with the tradition of my blog, here is a Christmas poem by my dad, Rockman.

Psalm 151 The Lord's Song

Dear Jesus,

It is by Thy manger

 that I met Thee.

It is by Thy cross

that I know Thee. 

It is by Thy Word

that I find Thee.

It is by Thy silence

that I hear Thee.

It is by Thy light

that I see Thee.

But Dear Jesus

It is by Thy song that I love Thee.

Amen 

******

                                        ......Rockman 2001

Miss you, Pops.

Sing a new song for the New Year! Happy 2014!
Faith, hope, and love,
Lori

Christmas Daybreak

It's the week of Christmas. In keeping with the tradition to post my dad's poems during special occasions, I came across this one. It could be used as a personal prayer for Christmas morning.

Oh Christmas time, Oh Christmas time

I feel you in my heart.

For no other time of year

brings me joy that you impart.

You came at the right moment,

this is most certainly true.

My life so full of burdens

I could not carry without you.

Then I heard your wondrous message

That Christ was born for me.

And all my worldly cares dissolved

Like salt in to the sea.

Now I know beyond all doubt

If that sun above can't shine

A brighter day breaks for me

Oh Christmas time, Oh Christmas time.

Amen.

******

......Rockman 12/24/92

Miss you, Pops.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, my friends!

Faith, hope,and love,

Lori

5 Volunteer Know-Nos

Can you believe Christmas decorations are all ready littering the retail floors? I think I even saw a few coming out the end of September. Back-to-school and on to Christmas.

So maybe it is best to be prepared before the onslaught of "volunteer opportunities" invade your space.

Be ready to know what you know about the holiday madness. It is a time sucker. And if you are like me...you hate to say no.

Say yes to knowing these things before you commit to any extra tasks. This is your gift to yourself!

1. Know yourself : What do you enjoy doing? If you like to bake and don't like running a kids' game at the class party...send cookies rather than volunteer to help in the classroom.

2. Know your schedule: Have everything you participate in written out so you can see what each day looks like. I never happen to know my schedule off hand. But I guess that's okay because then I can think about saying yes or no after I have time to look and evaluate.

3. Know your margin: Understand how you are wired. If you are an introvert, you will need some space in your day to regroup. If you are an extrovert you need margin as well so you life doesn't become overwhelming.

4. Know how to delegate: Kids can pitch in at home. Have them help out a little more.

5. Know how to redirect: "I can bake cookies if someone else could do the snacks."

Just because lots of things are happening around Christmas, doesn't mean a parent has to be involved in every single one of the events.

Merry Christmas! (Oh and have a beautiful fall!)

What advice do you have for other parents about keeping your holiday sanity?

I will give you a wise and discerning heart. 

1 Kings 3: 12b

Christmas Bread

Joy is the fourth candle on the Advent Wreath.
Make a pact with your family to be joyFILLed this week. 
Jesus is coming!

Now we break this bread together

Lord be with us here today

Make our lives your home forever

In Jesus name we pray.

Thank you for all you've given us

and on this special night

We share the gift of your son Jesus

Truly born in love's pure light.

Such a gift beyond all knowing

We are humbled in His sight

To live our lives like candles glowing

Our purpose to reflect His light.

So now we start but without merit

Lord please show us the way

Grant us your grace so we inherit

Christ, our bread, on Christmas day.

Amen.

*******

                                      ....Rockman, 12/24/90

Merry Christmas. From my home to yours. Blessings.
~Lori
       Miss you, Pops.

The Birth of Hope

The day my dad died, Hope was born.  Hope, a beautiful baby girl, my cousin Jim's fifth child. Jim is my Dad and Mom's nephew and Godkid. How poetic that God ushers in one life while bringing another home. My Dad's hospital room was just a couple floors below the birthing room in the same hospital. How like God to make sure we didn't miss the miracle of hope- the reminder of new life and eternal life. The day I let go of my Dad's hand was the same day I held a new life. Hope. 

On the third week of Advent make a pact with your family to hold onto hope. 

Hope...is what baby Jesus brings to a world in desperate need of him. Hope...what a crucified Jesus brings to sinful man. Hope...what  resurrected Jesus brings to a dying man. Hope...what Jesus, the coming King, brings to a broken world. 

The cradle, the cross, and the crown are all pictures of hope. 

Jesus... our Hope for a future- an eternal, heavenly future.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. 

In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so I would have told you.

I am going there to prepare a place for you; and if I go and prepare a place for you, 

I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 

You know the way to the place where I am going. 

John 14:1-4

How do you model hope to your children?

Keep the Faith

Faith is the second candle on the Advent wreath. It follows the promise candle. First the promise then the faith-the belief the promise will be fulfilled. Faith is believing without seeing. Faith, as Phillip Yancey says, "Only make sense in reverse." 

This week the second week of Advent, make a family pact to focus on faith.

This is a great opportunity to read through the Bible's heroes in Hebrew 11- The Hall of Faith.The men and women listed in this summary of the Old Testament were real people with real flaws but all had a strong faith. They each had an against the odds type of faith. The kind of faith Mary demonstrated when the angel told her she "was with child" even though she was a virgin. The kind of faith Joseph had when, in a dream, an angel told him to take Mary home to be his wife. Initially both were afraid, yet both believed.

Faith depends on the elements of steadfastness and courage.  Faith is not a wimpy response to a situation. Sometimes people of faith stand alone.

Encourage your kids to be able to articulate what they believe and why. Christmas is the perfect time of year to discuss the foundations of  faith. 

How do you set the tone for spiritual growth in your family?

 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 

Hebrews 11:1